Samantha is in her mid-20s, with a hopeful nature and a scientific mind. As a professor at Havens University she has unlocked the genetic code, and has come to realize that humanity isn’t ready for the powers of transformation that she’s unleashed. Her technical side enables her to see the world rationally and realistically, which comes in handy when you’re surrounded by a mermaid, the spirit of a late grandmother and a genetic mishap that turned the family Border Collie into the Governor’s Chief of Staff.
Point guard for Pallacanestro Firenze, Florence, Italy’s professional
College: Havens University
Position: Point guard
Stats: NCAA records for Assists, Game. Assists, Season. Assists, Career. Assists, Average. Lowest ever Turnovers to Assists Ratio, Lowest scoring average per minutes played.
Greatest love; life companion; eternal soulmate: Samantha
Tattoos: Samantha, on right biceps.
Sports and entertainment agent
Net worth: $CLASSIFIED
Assets: Contractually represents rock star Bambi Bramante, basketball player Dave Hamper and filmmaker Ming Delft. The other definition of “assets” would include her husband Luis and daughter Candide.
Liabilities: Greedy, shallow and self-centered, possessing a set of personal ethics that could charitably be called “situational”.
Bottom line: A questionable friend who nevertheless has brought fame and success that otherwise would have slipped away.
Profession: Industrial Engineer. CHECK.
Avocation: Lead guitarist for Bambi Bramante. CHECK.
Married to: Jenny. CHECK.
Father of: Candide. CHECK.
Attitude: Fiercely independent. CHECK..
Annoyed by: People who define me by what I consider just one facet of my life. CHECK.
Worst habit: The common engineer’s affliction of expressing deep inner thoughts and feelings as a series of checklists. CHECK.
Glub glubba glub glububub ubba glub (three bubbles) glub glub glub glub ub.
Translated from the Mermaid: “I’m a 415-year-old mermaid who has decided to live on land for a while. Like all merfolk, I have the option of living 24 hours a day as half-fish, half human (i.e., Mermaid Classic), or for twelve hours fully human followed by twelve hours as a fish. Married to the human Thomas, we have a son, Marlon.
I guess I’m the most normal member of my group of friends. There’s nothing really unusual about me; I’m a devoted husband and father. Sure, the love of my life is a mermaid and I perform in a Las Vegas casino for Cirque du Soleil, but aside from that I can’t think of anything that makes me stand out.
Dumptruck fester grill k mango skyway jo. Cheetos brillig rootball et asphalt, glob baxter pundit flextime heap. Go dander Fuqua dollhouse mustard; ze spiral soapdish rue earhole chad tort gumwad.
Hi, I’m Don Delft, Ming’s husband and backup center for the NBA’s Havens Fastracks. Ming is a bit of a free spirit, and she felt the above best summed up her personality. I’ll just add that she’s a highly imaginative Oscar-nominated documentary filmmaker, artist, musician, wife and mother to our son Clay.
Rhyming was my desire; all I ever sought to do
Was be poetry major and hide myself from view.
But my road to ivory tower-dom
Was sidetracked by my fame
And now I live in the spotlight
Although I try to be the same.
Hit song after hit song keep me on the road
A passive passenger aboard this life I’ve sowed.
But I’ve got my friends
And they make it all worthwhile
They accompany me on stage
And also through the miles.
View: Mascot of the WNBA’s San Jose Twitters
Link to: A shy individual who finds personal expression in embodying sports institutions as their sideline mascot.
File attachment: To Marcie, the star center of the Twitters.
End data transmission
RUPERT & ROSALIND
Hi, I’m Rupert.
We’re Samantha’s fellow grad students in Professor Allele’s lab.
We know about Samantha’s research into genetic transformations…
…And we often seem to be on the accidental receiving end of– Meow.
Rupert, where’d you– Woof!
Mew! Hiss!Arf! Arf! Ar– Oh. Sorry about that Rupert.
Yeah, uh…Rosalind? How’d I get up in this tree?
PETER, PAUL AND MARY
The one genetic accomplishment that Samantha feels comfortable divulging to the world is the revival of the dodo species from the single surviving scrap of DNA from the 1600s. Paul and Mary are the parents, and they gave birth to their son Peter. Peter is now grown and starting his own family with a female dodo created by a Stanford team that was able to reproduce Samantha’s process.It turns out that the dodo was actually an intelligent species capable of speech, which makes their extinction and subsequent reputation for stupidity that more tragic.
Mother: Jeanine Argus, Governor of the state
Father: Donald Argus, safety inspector, Fastrack, Inc.
Siblings: Younger sister Sophie, an extraordinary dancer, plus three older siblings who have moved away: Sylvester, Steve and Shondra.
(written by Samantha) When my mom’s mother passed away, she left me a magic ring. When wearing it, I can speak to my late grandmother in any reflection. Grandma is a former daredevil with a wealth of adventurous experiences, and she sees her post-life duty as making sure I doesn’t spend my years glued to the front of a computer screen. …And she wonder’s where I get my controlling nature from! No, Grandma, I’m not taking out that last sentence. Because you don’t have the physical presence to work a keyboard, that’s why!
DR. BRENDA SCRIM
To all appearances, I’m a woman in my mid-fifties. In truth, I was Samantha’s Border Collie “Laptop” who was transformed into my current form. I’m now happily married to a wonderful human, and Chief of Staff for Governor Jeanine Argus. All of this information is kept absolutely secret.Samantha, are you sure no one is going to see this?
The feline clone of Laptop is Samantha’s constant companion and the school’s foremost distributor of Snark. She’s occasionally forced to become human under the unfortunate name “Pam Topp.”